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Top 10 with Gordon and Sapphire
Top 10 with Gordon and Sapphire is a fan-made episode written by Rigsrigsrigs10918, Disneydude15, CartoonLover, and Magic-is-cute. Premise Gordon and Sapphire do top 10 lists of movies they've seen. Plot Part One (At the printing room, Sapphire and Gordon are looking over a list.) Sapphire: So, Gordy, what do you think? Gordon: Very good. I think we're ready. Sapphire: Oh! I'm so excited, I got butterflies in my stomach. Gordon: Should I call an exterminator? (Sapphire laughs.) Sapphire: That's a good one. (Cooler enters.) Cooler: Sapphy and Gordy, you're on in five minutes. Good luck in your new episode today. Sapphire: Thanks, Cooler. You ready, Gordy? Gordon: Ready, Sapphire. (5 minutes later, Sapphire and Gordon are sitting on stage as the audience applauds.) Gordon: Welcome to today's episode of the Gordon Kirby and Sapphire Trueblood Show. I'm Gordon Kirby.... Sapphire: And I'm Sapphire Trueblood. So, Gordy, what are we going to do today? Gordon: We're reviewing the Top 10 Greatest Monster Movies. Part Two Sapphire: Hello. I'm Sapphire here with Gordon. Gordon: And today, we're bringing you the top 10 strangest, nuttiest and most wackiest flicks in cinema history. Sapphire: And to reenact scenes from those movies are the Minks, Shakespeare, Starburst, Cooler, Catgut, Michelle, Jayden, Debra, and Tori. (Shakespeare, Starburst, Cooler, Catgut, Michelle, Jayden, Debra, Tori and the Minks bow as the audience applauds.) Sapphire: So, what's number 10? Gordon: Number 10: We're here: An Alien's Story. Sapphire: What's the movie about, Gordy? Gordon: Aliens. (The audience laughs.) Sapphire: Well, I knew that. But, is there anything freaky besides the fact that the movie had aliens? Gordon: Well... allow Starburst to demonstrate. (Starburst blows on her thumb on one hand and makes a balloon shaped like a radish appear in the other.) Sapphire: (Shocked) What?! Radish?! What?! I don't care what la-la land the writers were in. You cannot blow in your thumb and make a radish. How'd they even come to that? Did they just steal that idea from Odyssies of Manic the Warthog? I guess so. What else is there? Gordon: Well, the aliens are taken into a teleportation machine by a scientist and his talking rhinoceros named Rico. Oh, and he's also voiced by Jim Collie. Shakespeare: (Impersonating Jim Collie) I am Dr. Presto, the inventor of this teleportation machine. I made this machine to help make children's dreams come true. Sapphire: Teleport them to where? The land of milk and dog treats? Shakespeare: (Impersonating Jim Collie) Oh and please beware of my older brother. He's criminally insane. Sapphire: (Sarcastically) Oh, gee, I wonder why? Gordon: Since much of the film is filler, we'll skip to the part where the aliens encounter Dr.Presto's brother, Zilch. Catgut: (Impersonating Zilch) Welcome to my circus. Here, I have Stupid Juice. What does it do, you might ask? It will lower your IQ. Gordon: You know, with that stuff, all the kids in the world would be too dumb to teach, so there'd be no school. Sapphire: The aliens, however, were too smart for Zilch and foiled his plan to take them in for his circus. Then, this happens... Catgut: (Impersonating Zilch) No! Please! Don't leave me alone! The vultures! They'll come to... (Catgut emits a gasp and pretends to faint on stage. Debra takes a paper bird and puts it on Catgut.) Sapphire: That scene gave me nightmares. What's the ninth weirdest movie, Gordon? Gordon: Number 9 is Remix the Tiger the movie. Sapphire: Personally, I hate Remix the Tiger the movie. Gordy, tell the lovely audience why I hate Remix the Tiger the movie. Gordon: Well, first of all, there are no likeable characters in the movie. Second of all, everything is random. Third, the film starts with some 3D, but everything else is 2D, so the 3D is completely pointless. Fourth, the main hero is a sadist. (All except Sapphire and Gordon gasp in shock.) Sapphire: You heard that right, everyone. Remix the Tiger is a sick freak. He stumbles upon a cemetery. He laughs, taunts the dead and actually kicks over a gravestone. I mean, is he like this when he reads? (Sparky mimes reading a book, then pulls his head back to laugh.) Sparky: Stupid people who died at the hands of the plague! (Sparky sticks his tongue out at the imaginary book in a taunting manner.) Gordon: OK, we better move on. Sapphire: First, I want to point out that the songs in the film are pretty catchy so the movie may be worth them, but a lot of them have no purpose. Gordon: All right, then. I'll check out the soundtrack sometime. Now for Number 8: Halloween is Finch Night or just Finch Night. Sapphire: Since this is a Halloween special, it's perfect for this program. Gordon: But, unfortunately, it's not really scary, it's actually kind of boring. Sapphire: All the villagers are afraid of the Finch coming down from his mountain lair and into the neighborhood. So it's up to a little girl named Alexandra to stand up to the Finch and try to stall him. Gordon: Why is he coming to town? Because the full moon is changing colors. Why's everyone afraid of him? Because...he's the Finch, I guess. Sapphire: So, there's fault number 1: it makes no sense. Fault number 2: too much dialogue. Fault number 3: uninteresting characters. Fault number 4: a narrator. Gordon: Unlike the narrator from Captain Canine faces the Music Monster, who has an annoying, high-pitched voice and hyperactivity, this narrator is dull and boring, just like the whole film. He actually sounds just as bored with this film as we all are. But like the other narrator, he never stops talking. Shakespeare: (In a dull voice) Then Alexandra said... Starburst: (As Alexandra) Grandpa Isaiah? Shakespeare: (Narrator) And Grandpa Isaiah said... Jayden: (As Grandpa Isaiah) Yes, Alexandra? Shakespeare: And Alexandra said... Starburst: Call the Finch Alarm Building. Shakespeare: And Grandpa Isaiah said... Jayden: Excellent idea. Shakespeare: And Alexandra said... Sapphire: STOP! And cheer up. Shakespeare: (Turning to Sapphire with a scowl) You don't have to yell. Sapphire: Sorry. There's also this weird running gag with Alexandra and her hat. Jayden: You put your hat back on and face the facts, Alexandra. Starburst: I can think better without my hat. Shakespeare(as the Finch): OK, hat-head, you asked for it. Sapphire: Now, let me ask a quick question. Does it really matter if she doesn't put her hat on? I don't know. I guess it doesn't. Gordon: But, it really gets cool when the Finch opens up the Wagon of Woe and Alexandra encounters her worst fears as all the monsters inside sing this really cool song. (Starburst impersonates Alexandra as the others get into a circle and spook her while singing.) Sapphire: I'll admit, while this is pretty scary, it is a pretty good song. Don't you think so, Gordy? Gordon: Sure is. And while the film is boring, it's nowhere near terrible. I personally like it and if you haven't seen it, check it out. Now for number 7: Plushie Pam and Peter: A Musical Odyssey. Sapphire: Now, we know what you're thinking. How can a movie based on a pretty little doll possibly be weird? Well, just watch some of it. (Just as they were about to show the footage…) Antonio: (Screaming) NO! (Everyone turns to Antonio, who has a scared look on his face.) Gordon: Um… May we have Antonio come up on stage please? (Antonio goes up on stage.) Gordon: So, tell us, Antonio. Why don't you want me and Sapphire to show scenes from Plushie Pam and Peter: A Musical Odyssey? Antonio: Well, you see, when I was a puppy, I saw this movie on DVD. What do I think of it? It's scary. The nonsensical imagery, the weird characters, the forgettable songs, tons of jump scares, and it caused me to have Pediophobia, which is a fear against dolls, and that is one of my phobias. The oddest parts are about a gooey creature called the Hoarder and this tiny character's head that inflates like a balloon whenever he laughs. However, I have to admit, even though it wasn't really a good movie and despite the fact that it was panned by critics and it was a huge flop at the box-office, it was certainly creative and there was actual effort put into it, like the Haunted Phonebooth, although the Haunted Phonebooth is better. Sapphire: Well, thank you, Antonio, for your opinion on the movie. (Antonio goes back to his seat.) Sapphire: What's number six, Gordy? Gordon: Number 6: The Loofabill Ovalshirt Movie. Sapphire: Now, this is a pretty odd movie based on the Loofabill Ovalshirt TV show. Gordon: And the characters are annoying as ever. Sapphire: Not only are the characters as annoying as their TV series counterparts, but there are also weird stuff such as the two heroes getting... ahem... you know what after eating cotton candy, weird, crazy monsters, one of the characters flying without clothes on… (The audience cringes and reacts in disgust.) Sapphire: And a pointless cameo appearance by Dave Hackinkoff. Seriously? Do we really need Dave Hackinkoff in there? Gordon: While the movie had a good plot and a great ending song, the rest is just craziness. Sapphire: Number 5: The Rat in the Frat. Gordon: Now that has got to be the most disturbing movie I have ever seen and that's saying a lot. I used to nightmares about a giant rat chasing me because of that movie. Whoever came up with an idea of making a live action film adapted from the book by Dr. Groose is nuttier than a squirrel. Sapphire: Not to mention the fact that the make-up on Mutt Myers makes me physically sick to my stomach. And do you want to know what else is crazy? The fact that this movie can get away with putting a reference to Colossal Studios, jokes that are way too inappropriate for kids, and a dance club scene with Harris Dilton in this movie. Who's going to figure out those references or jokes? Nobody! Gordon: Yeah, this movie is worse than the live action adaption of How the Finch Stole Easter. That movie was more loyal to the book and Jim Collie's makeup was pretty impressive. And it actually had a few funny scenes, so I give it credit for those. Is everybody ready for number 4? Audience: Yeah. Gordon: Number 4: The Falcon and the Firestone. Sapphire: Now we know what you're thinking, how weird is the Falcon and the Firestone? Well, the acting isn't bad, but the animation is sloppy and the plot is all been there-done that. Not to mention that there have been some weird moments in this movie. Gordon: Like the narrator. Yes, this movie has a narrator, as well. Actually, it has two narrators. Sapphire: Can you imagine what that must have been like? Gloomy: (as a narrator) And so Henry set out to find a perfect engagement stone for Maria and then he... Smokey: (as a narrator) And then his evil rival showed up and... Gloomy: Hey, who's telling this story anyway? Smokey: Well, I thought I was. Gloomy: You couldn't read your way out of an instruction book. Smokey: Hey, them's fighting words. Gloomy(putting his fists up): Come over here, you meatsack! (Gloomy and Smokey pretend to fight.) Gordon: Yeah, that wouldn't end well. But I gotta say, out of all the bad films made by Dog Bluth, this one's the least bad. It almost works. In fact, it's still a pretty creative film. Sapphire: For number 3, John and the Giant Plum. Gordon: Oh no! Not another movie with a narrator in it! Sapphire: This narrator has given the weirdest explanation of how John's parents died. Smokey: (In his British voice, impersonating the narrator) It was until an angry giraffe appeared out of nowhere and devoured John's poor parents. (Sapphire and Gordon exchange shocked looks at each other.) Sapphire and Gordon: WHAT?! Sapphire: Since when do giraffes eat people?! Okay, there has to be an explanation behind this. My guess is that John's parents were assassinated by his evil god-parents and that the narrator was bribed to make up the story of John's parents getting eaten by a giraffe. That would make sense, don't you think? Gordon: I think so. But no, we have to go through this nonsensical explanation. Later, John is given a potion that this weirdo says can make his life better. But what is it made from exactly? Smokey: (In his hillbilly accent) 100 dung beetles boiled in the lava of Mt. St. Helens for two weeks. Then add the tail of a gecko, the feathers of a flamingo, the quills of a porcupine, the fins of a mackerel, the wings of a fly, the legs of a tarantula and a cup of salt. Gordon and Sapphire(singing): And a lost lunch in a pear tree. (The audience laughs.) Gordon: After John accidentally spills the potion, the plum grows to the size of a house. Curious, he goes inside the plum and encounters a rag-tag group of butterflies. Sapphire: And they all want to go where John wants to go. The rest of the film is random filler. Gordon: Now, to be fair, I'll give this film some artistic points, but it's a shame the weird death and other random stuff ruined it, especially that stomach-turning description of that potion. Now, let's go into number 2. Sapphire: For number 2, we have "The Vision before New Year's". Gordon: This movie is directed by the well-known Kim Burlin. This is a pretty cool and creative film, but the opening is what gives it the spot on this list. Every other second, something is flying at you. Sapphire: But despite the weird beginning, at least the rest of film can and will always be an enjoyable holiday Classic to watch. Now, we are down to the last film. Could this be the one movie that defies reality and logic as we know it? Gordon: And the weirdest film of all time goes to... Any of the Ned movies. And mind you, this features the same guy who played the narrator from Captain Canine Faces the Music Monster. So no wonder it's weird. Sapphire: The Three Ned movies star Silas Shawshank, who played the always irritating, high-pitched Ned Jugglejorn, the same internet idiot from Metube. Let me give you reasons why I hate these movies. One, the stories are too bizarre to comprehend. Two, nobody is likeable. Third, the songs, especially the opening song in the third Ned movie, were bad and sound like they were written by Arthur Sullivan's long lost tone death great-nephew. Finally, Ned Jugglejorn is very annoying, stupid, and he would not SHUT UP! This guy is so annoying, I get chronic headaches every time I hear him talk. I mean, if I ever meet this character, I'd kick him right in the... (Everyone else gasps.) Gordon: Sapphire, watch your language! This is a family show! Sapphire: Oh, sorry. Anyway, if this doesn't define weird, I don't know what does. But I do hear that Ned's performer is actually a pretty intelligent and likable person with a very distinguished voice. (Gamma lets out a loud "HA!", startling everyone else.) Gamma: Allow me to refute that statement before we can conclude tonight's episode. Have you ever seen the last television series he did called "Alvin Alvin"? Yeah, he was completely unfunny and talentless on that show. At least he had the dignity to pack up and quit. You may argue that he is a smart and loveable individual, but I, for one, consider him to be one of the worst actors I have ever had the displeasure to live on the same planet with. In addition, the only people who are equally brain-dead as Silas is his fan base. I mean, if someone gives even constructed criticism towards that moron, those fan girls will go bananas and spew out death threats. How they ever manage to flunk English is beyond me. Thank you for your time. Gordon: Okay...I also want to point out that Shawshank just came out of the closet, so I want to wish him luck. And those are the Top 10 Weirdest Movies of All Time. Next week, Captain Canine is going to guest star for Top 10 Dumbest Moments in the history of Captain Canine's career. Part Three Gordon: OK, everyone, it's time to list the Top 10 Dumbest Moments in the history of Captain Canine's career. Sapphire: And with us to look at the top ten stupidest moments are Captain Canine and the Puppy Cadets. (Captain Canine and the Puppy Cadets enter.) Captain Canine: It's a pleasure to be here. Moon Spark: This is cool! Gordon: Number 10: One of Dana's lines from Razor Sharp. A dog named Dr. Chrome Dome is trying to steal the hair from all the creatures in the world. So while the heroes are discussing what their strategy is, Dana says this. Dana: We could shave him. (Gordon and Sapphire share confused looks.) Gordon and Sapphire: What? Gordon: Now, we all know that Dana's not very bright, but is she blind, too? Dr. Chrome Dome is a hairless dog! He has no hair! Dana: Hey! Don't look at me! It's not like I wrote that stupid line. Gordon: Well, now to be fair I do think the line was supposed to add some irony and a bit of humor to the episode, but it just didn't. Dana: Now I feel embarrassed to say that line. Sapphire: Oh, don't worry, Dana, the writers just had a bad idea. Next number. Gordon: Number 9: A scene from Dungeons and Doggies. This is one of the greatest episodes ever made. It was intense, exciting, bone-chilling, no pun there, and had some of the coolest settings ever. But then there's this scene that pretty much ruins everything. Glen and Gwen are trapped in a cage and a trapdoor is slowly opening up from under them. First of all: are you seriously telling me you can't squeeze through those bars? You could drive an bulldozer through those huge gaps. Gwen: Well, technically, that was my original idea, but the director told me that squeezing the bars would be too simplistic. So, blame the director, not me or Glen. Right, Glen? (Glen nods.) Gordon: Oh, well, then that's kind of understandable. But here's the second thing: when the Captain lets them out, the cage's door WASN'T EVEN LOCKED! Captain Canine: Again, blame the director for not putting the lock on the cage, not us. And just to let you know, that episode was the directed by the same clown who directed "Mediterranean Manic", an episode of the Odyssies of Manic the Warthog. But I do have to give him credit for the rest of the episode because everything else was pretty good. Sapphire: Okay, let's get down to number 8. Tandy and Dana's embarrassing date in Love is in Kildare. So, Tandy and Dana went on a date at Kildare's seafood restaurant. Gordon: And boy was it not only dumb, it was... Gordon and Sapphire: (Singsong) Awkward. Tandy: Well, my date would have been romantic if that director didn't tell Dana to eat her food with her toes. Dana: Why does the director always make me do the stupid things? It's embarrassing. (Showing Gordon and Sapphire her foot) Dumbo eats with his feet and you're okay with it. But when I eat with my feet, I feel like the director exploited my eating habits. Gordon: And now, we have number 7, Captain Canine forgetting to wear his belt in A Step in Time. What can be more embarrassing for the dog crusader? Sapphire: While battling Mr. Kronos, Captain Canine's pants fell down. I'm just glad he was wearing clean underpants. Captain Canine: But it was still embarrassing. Gordon: But watch what the Captain does right after he drops his pants. (Captain Canine quickly pulls his pants and looks around to make sure nobody sees him while repeatedly opening and closing his mouth for some reason.) Gordon(laughing): What is he doing with his lips? What? Did he turn into Flask from the Puppets for a second? (Captain Canine repeats the scene while Gordon imitates Flask's meeps.) Gordon: Moving on. Number 6: Dana seen sleeping with her teddy bear in Teddy Bear Blues. Dana: Hey, I have trouble sleeping. Besides, no one was supposed to know that. Sapphire: We're sorry about that. So, Gordy, what's number five? Gordon: Number 5: The Chicken song from Cock-a-Doodle Dummies. Sapphire: This takes place when the Captain and his team are forced to do a ridiculous song and dance in order for a chicken to give them their keys back. The worst part is that they cluck the whole song. Judy: Well, you can blame the song writer for suggesting the idea, not us. Gordon: Oh well. Number 4: The Metallic Monster's minions from Metal on Mars. Boy, are these two annoying! Especially their voices. Sapphire: They're as equivalent as Doctor Bubonik's henchmen from The Odyssies of Manic the Warthog! In fact, I think they're related. Judy: Good thing they were one-time characters. Sapphire: How do we describe their voices? Well, you ever tell your story and you're trying to make the other people sound really irritating? It's kinda like this. (stuffy voice) So, I'm sitting there, just talking with my friend when suddenly the teacher comes in and is like (high, scratchy voice) "What are you doing here?! Aren't you supposed to be in class?!" (stuffy again) And then my idiot friend is like (low, dopey voice) "Duh, I don't know. I though it started tomorrow." Gordon: Is everybody ready for number three? Sapphire: Number 3: Glen and Gwen's fishing trip. In Glen and Gwen Gone Fishing, Glen and Gwen go on their fishing trip. Gwen: It was a disaster! Gordon: These two are wizards at inventing, but they are clowns at fishing. Gwen: Now you know why I vowed never to go fishing again. Right, Glen? (Glen nods in agreement.) Gordon: But I do have to admit that the scene did provide a few good laughs. I especially loved it when they accidentally hooked each other's hats as they cast their lines. Sapphire: Yeah, that was pretty funny. And now for number two: The Captain goes Commando. Gordon: First, I just want to make one thing perfectly clear. I love this episode. But it stupid has heck. In fact, it's probably the show's stupidest episode. But I just love it. In fact, everyone seems to love it despite how stupid it is. Sapphire: I know I do. Anyway, two scenes really stand out. First, right before a car chase scene, the Captain, for some reason, tears out the front passenger seat and then gets in. (The Captain gets in a car with no front passenger seat, making him look like a small child. The audience laughs.) Gordon(laughing): That doesn't look silly at all, does it? (imitating the Captain) Mommy, I want some ice cream and I want it now! Now, now, now, now, now! Sapphire: (Laughing hysterically) Oh yeah! I remember that scene. (stops laughing) The next is when the Captain and the leader of the Black Hood Gang are firing their blasters at each other. And they actually take turns shooting. (The Captain pretends to shoot his blaster at Gordon.) Captain Canine: Your turn. (Gordon pretends to fire at the Captain.) Gordon: Your turn. Sapphire(singsong): Stupid. Gordon: So, this is the show's stupidest episode. But that makes it one of the funniest. And I just love it for that. So, let's thank the studio for "The Captain goes Commando", the hilariously stupid episode. Okay, everybody. Here comes number one of the most dumbest moment in Captain Canine's career. Is everybody ready? Audience: Yeah. Gordon: The number one dumbest moment in Captain Canine history is the opening to The Pug's Playhouse. Captain Canine: Now, how can you describe the opening to The Pug's Playhouse? Gordon: Well, the episode starts in the jungle and at first, it's kind of relaxing. The music is very soft and calm and nothing's really happening. We also get a glimpse of one of the most beautiful settings in cinema history. But just as you're starting to relax... Sapphire: Palooka Pug, the craziest villain in Captain Canine's career, gives us a jump scare. Gordon: Then, he sings this crazy song and everything in the house starts talking except the floor. And the singers sound like they just sucked in all the helium in the world. Solar Ray: That opening scarred me for life and I just joined the Puppy Cadets. Captain Canine: I demanded that the writers should scrap that scene, but they wouldn't listen. Gordon: And those are the Top 10 Dumbest Captain Canine Moments. I want to thank the Cap and the Puppy Cadets for appearing with us. Next week, you better bring some tissues because Sapphire and I are reviewing the Top 10 Most Depressing Moments. (All bow as the audience cheers.) The End Next Episode Preview Bartrand: Howdy, everybody! Next week on the Pound Puppies Show, we're looking for Scrounger, Slick, and Scooper while we're in Spain. And later, to celebrate me getting married to Spats, most of my friends and I are going to Indiana Beach. Stay tuned next time for Scrounger in Spain/Shine on, Honeymoon. Happy Trails! Japanese Opening Title Gordon and Sapphire are looking at a top ten list as the subtitles read "Top Ten Triple Feature! Gordon and Sapphire Are Looking For Number One". Category:Fan Fiction Category:Fan made episodes Category:What If's Category:Fan made episodes starring Gordon Category:Fan made episodes without an antagonist Category:Fan made episodes starring Sapphire